Dear Baby Girl,
As I sit here next to you while you sleep, I watch your chest rise and fall with every breathe. Listen to you as you make cute little noises and reminisce of the hours I spent watching you as a baby, making sure you were still breathing when you had gone more than 3 hours without a feed.
You look angelic, peaceful and content. Your cuddled in safe and sound with your favourite toy. I want to be able to capture this moment and store it in my memory bank forever.
Today baby girl, you start big school. You no longer have to come to do Mummy’s boring errands, duck into the post office or just run in to get some of the missing ingredients for dinner. You don’t have to watch me type away on my computer or clean the house when I would prefer to be playing at the park with you.
You get to fly my little one, become a sponge and absorb all that school has to offer. You get to develop life long friends and build everlasting relationships. You get to ride the highs and lows of being a student and the joys and challenges that school life brings.
I am here for you bubba girl. Through the scratches, the scrapes and any friendship dramas. The merit certificates, swimming carnivals and Christmas concerts. I will be here, for whatever you need.
I can’t promise I will deal with every situation with a level head, but I am always here to listen and to lend an ear or shoulder. I am always her to give those big warm hugs we enjoy so much together.
I want you to know that I am proud of you. For all that you have done and all that you will do in the future. I am proud of the way you know what you want and go after it. I am proud of the assertiveness you demonstrate, even if sometimes it drives me insane. I am proud of the way you commit to trying new things and don’t give in. I am proud that you love swimming, handstands and burpees! I am proud that you want to emulate what I do and try to pull off exercises and movements that are way beyond your years.
I love that you love your body and appreciate your muscles and strength. I love that you are switched on and can strategize in games. I love that you encourage your brother and embrace team work on a field. I love that you don’t realise how talented you are.
I hope that it continues to stay that way my little bubba girl.
I love you.
I want you to have a different journey than I did sweetie. I want you to never feel like your weight in any way resembles your self worth. I never want you to restrict your food as a way to gain control. I never want you to feel that the only way people will love you is if you are thin. I never want you to think dieting is a sport and one that you are good at.
I never want you to be so consumed in reducing the number on the scale that you stop interacting with your friends. I never want you to be terrified by the thought of eating out that you decline every invitation. Trust me baby girl, the invitations will stop coming.
Why do I want you to someday know all this bubba. Because Mummy had a tough few years when my body starting changing.
Mummy struggled to maintain fit and strong and puberty wasn’t kind. My body became a hinderance to my sport and held me back from reaching my goals.
I worked hard, real hard to get it back but became too good at reducing the numbers on the scale that I lost all interest in my sport, my friends, my life and self worth.
I tortured those around me and was so stubborn and didn’t let anyone help me.
Mummy spend a few months in hospital, away from my family and friends trying to get well. I had to relearn a lot. I had to clear my mind and open myself up to new beliefs. I had to mourn friendships. I had to mourn goals never reached.
After a few years baby girl, I got there. A place of content. A mindset that allowed me to eat without fear, move without calculating expenditure and live without thinking the number on my clothes was in indication of my self worth.
Each day baby girl, I try to carefully teach you how to love yourself, your mind and your body for its capabilities. Your body is an incredible tool that allows you to do the most magical things.
I honestly feel bubba, that it is my role to demonstrate self love, strength and body appreciation. To refer to my strength and never verbalise what my inner mean girls says every now and then.
I love you bubba girl and I promise to always be your advocate, number one fan and I promise to always tell you how proud of you I am and how much you make my heart smile.
Love Mum xx