It sounds like I am talking about some kind of life or death situation here but I am not. I am merely commenting on how it feels to be inside my mind from the time I wake to the time my brain finally switches off and lets me sleep.
Sometimes it feels like there are never enough hours in the day. By the time I tick the box on getting to the gym, getting kids clothed, fed, off to school/daycare/swim lessons/gymnastics/nippers i have already used a quarter of my tank of fuel. Then to try and read all the work emails and then personal emails that contain way too many Scoopon deals with things I don't need but won't unsubscribe, I am half way to buggered.
There feels like there is never enough time to sit and play like I used to when my kids were small, instead I find myself chopping vegetables writing numbers and letters in the air cause I don't have time to grab a pencil and sit next to them. Nor time to catch up on trashy TV so I don't have to think for 30mins, let alone read the latest self help book that is going to leave me feeling positive and walk through life with a new perspective.
When the kids aren't in the car I listen to podcasts so that I can be learning and multitasking. Please don't get me started on how unproductive I feel when stopped at traffic lights and feel like I am wasting valuable time.
There is a burning sensation that stays with me for most of my day, perhaps adrenalin, perhaps I am just in a constant state of anxiety. To the point that when someone tells me to just 'chillax' I want to ever so kindly ramble of the other thousand things that still need being checked off my list to ensure my day is not even longer tomorrow.
It has been suggested to me that partaking in yoga and meditation would be helpful. Don't get me wrong I believe they are both great ways to de-stress and find a calmer place but suggesting that to someone who can't sit till nor be away from her notes app on her phone for more than a minute is like asking a marathon runner to walk the entire way.
I acknowledge that this is not a healthy way to live and I also acknowledge that at some point its going to get the better of me but until my kids are more self sufficient, my house miraculously cleans itself and i am not spending time wanting to go and work out and cook deliciously healthy meals for my family i am just going to have to try and modify things a little.
So how do i propose to do that. Hmmmmm
1. Allocate time in my day that is iphone, ipad and computer free to play games and enjoy my kids.
2. Schedule in a solid block of time to check emails, read blogs etc once or twice a day instead of constantly feeling like I need to check it.
3. Take a deep breath and enjoy all the little moments my kids spontaneously do hilarious things that I am too busy missing.
4. Know that everything will get done in due time and perhaps with much less caffeine!
So while every little second counts i am going to start filling my seconds with more important things.